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If Ray Hudson Reviewed Boots – Messi F50 adiZero Edition

Ray Hudson Reviews Boots

Is there a soccer fan who doesn’t love hearing Ray Hudson commentate on games? I know I personally enjoy the whimsical and often theatrical punditry from the Englishman and it got me thinking – what would Ray Hudson sound like if he started reviewing boots during games?

Kicking things off, I thought we would start with any Barcelona game and the boots of one Lionel Messi – the Adidas F50 adiZero. Here are some of the things I would expect the self proclaimed Verbal gymnast to spurt out:

The gods around Footballers’ Heaven are looking down and saying, ‘It doesn’t get any better than those Red boots that Messi has on’! Defenses can’t live with those accelerating machines; and we can’t live without him! They are designed to absolutely pulverizes the defense and leaves them in acid, thus the colorway!

By simply wearing these boots, Messi has set the bar so high I think he’ll be in the Olympics for Argentina doing the pole vault, and he’ll win it!

Have you ever seen Messi make a big soup sandwich out of a finish when one vs one with a keeper? Well if you have, he must have been wearing a pair of Piques boots.

Messi’s left leg is like a big hypodermic needle – always ready to get stuck in. I’m just surprised there is no blood covering the front of his red boots! Wait….is that blood?

This is where the insane becomes the routine with this man. I’m starting to think that his boots are nothing less than ball whisperers.

Everyone is looking for a pair of boots that pulls everything together. Well look no further than the laces used on these boots – the thin Kevlar pulls things together like a mother clutching her kids during a hurricane.

Oh there will be players watching who want a pair of Messi’s boots after this game. But be warned, this is the type of boot you need to jump on quicker than a jackrabbit on a hot date if you want a pair.

Thank you Mr. Hudson for your candid and fantastically entertaining commentary!

Have you guys got any quotes to add to the list? Make them entertaining and leave them in the comment section below.

Note – this post is for fun only, with no direct input from Mr. Hudson. Anyone that comments that “it is the player not the boot” needs to get a sense of humor (and someone will add that comment without reading this!)

About Bryan Byrne

The mastermind behind the revolution that is SoccerCleats101. Bryan started this website back in 2008 and has been testing boots on a daily basis ever since. Check out our About Page for more details on Bryan and the website.

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5 comments

  1. Love it! You forgot to include a quote describing the new boots as "magisterial"!

  2. I know, he loves using “magisterial”, and he calls Mesut Ozil “avatar eyes”. Ray could be an Oxford English professor, the metaphors he comes up with are ridiculously accurate and creative!

    “Braver than a matador in a pink tutu he was.” Ray Hudson on Xavi being subbed off.

    “The head’s up; the neck’s twisting like Linda Blair in The Exorcist. Wonderfully hit.” (On a Fernando Llorente header)

    On Xavi – “Cool as Jimi Hendrix at Woodstock.”

    On Xavi – “Old chameleon eyes with that kaleidoscope vision.”

    On Lionel Messi – “He could follow you into a revolving door and he’d still come out first.”

    On Lionel Messi – “Like a squirrel on a telegraph wire.” (I mean really, who else could up with this stuff??????!!!!!!!!!)

    “Real Madrid’s defense stretched out like spandex on Miami beach” – On Real Madrid’s defense, obviously.

    “This is a goal of orgiastic proportions”-On Lionel Messi’s most famous Clasico goal…you know what I mean!!!!

    YOU GOTTA LOVE RAY HUDSON, HATERS GO HIDE IN A CAVE AND NEVER COME OUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    • Best one still to date

      On Messi: "He’s like a Jedi Knight; no, better than that, a Templar Knight!!!"

      I have no idea how he came to that conclusion… but I loved it

  3. He’s my favorite commentator. I can’t get fox soccer anymore sadly. I miss his voice and passion!

  4. besides real madrid, its the only reason i suscribe to BEIN

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