Friday , February 3 2023

Six Players Who Would Save Manchester United’s Season

David Moyes
Bad buys and walking palm trees, don’t worry David I’m here to help!

It’s a well known fact that I’m not a fan of the Red Devils, in fact I’ve enjoyed watching them flail about this season very much. In an effort to get back at me the Gaffer (who is a Wycombe Wanderers supporter masquerading as a Manchester United supporter) has asked me to have a look at the Old Trafford squad and see if there are a couple of players (I found SIX, and that was me trying to be brief) who would save their season if brought into the club together.

If nothing else I do love a challenge, so without further ado here’s my shortlist of season saving players and the season saving boots they’d be wearing! (Note: I doubt very highly the clubs of these players would sell them, and in one case I can guarantee the player himself would refuse the transfer – This is an “in an ideal world” scenario.)

Stephan Lichtsteiner

No. 1 – Stephan Lichtsteiner: At the current moment Manchester United only have one proper right back in Rafael and he’s bloody awful. You know who’s not awful? The Swiss Express, as he’s known due to his tireless work rate, speed, and athleticism would be my first pick. Despite being 30 years old the Juventus right back shows no signs of slowing down and would be a massive improvement on the current bomb scare who occupies the right back spot.

Lichtsteiner’s boot of choice is the Puma evoSPEED 1.2 which is a perfect boot for a rampaging full back who excels a both ends of the pitch.


No. 2 – Jerome Boateng: The centre of the Red Devils defense is another weak link. They do have the young Phil Jones who I do actually think will come good. However, they rely on Nemanja Vidic and his walker, and Rio Ferdinand and his wheelchair primarily. So lets keep Phil Jones but lets give him someone who’s coming right into the prime of his career in 25 year old Bayern Munich defender Jerome Boateng. At 6’4, with a tough tackling reputation Boateng is exactly the kind of player defender who would aid a porous back four, and unlike Chris Smalling he’s actually able to fill in at the right and left back spots.

Boateng is also a long time Nike Tiempo wearer and has made the switch to the recently released Nike Tiempo V.

Luke Shaw

No. 3 – Luke Shaw: If he doesn’t win PFA Young Player of the Season there’s something wrong. The 18 year old Southampton left back has been linked with moves away from St. Mary’s to the bigger English clubs. A move to Manchester would make sense, as he’d easily be able to supplant current incumbent Patrice Evra. He’s a modern fullback who loves to move forward and get into the attack, but also doesn’t shirk his defensive responsibilities as evidenced by Southampton having the joint fourth best goals against in the Premiership. Shaw has also been compared in similar terms to former Southampton youth teamer and current Real Madrid man Gareth Bale.

Shaw’s game is based on speed and attacking intent it should be no surprise that he’s a devotee of the Adidas F50 adiZero and has been sporting the orange Samba release in recent matches.


No. 4 – Paul Pogba: Now here’s the fun one! Ex-Manchester United midfielder Paul Pogba left Manchester United on a free transfer after being frustrated at a lack of first team chances under the old management. Since landing at Juventus he’s settled into the central midfield spot with Andrea Pirlo like a fish up a tree. For me Pogba would have been an ideal replacement for Paul Scholes (because Tom Cleverley certainly isn’t), his passing is sublime and he’s become well known as a scorer of absolute worldies! Pogba is the type of player that Manchester United are screaming in need of, and was recently named as the 2013 Golden Boy (best under 21 player in Europe playing in a top division) award winner by Italian newspaper Tuttosport.

Pogba has worn Nike Tiempo’s, Adidas Predator LZ’s, and Adidas Nitrocharge’s during his time in Turin, but he is most at home in the Nike CTR 360 Maestri III. Also Pogba is the player who I feel would refuse to play in Manchester given that the old regime still has an overbearing presence at Old Trafford.


No. 5 – Cesc Fabregas: The Barca midfielder is a world class player, and has been linked to Manchester United in the past. Instead of spending £27.5m on a walking palm tree, the club would have been better off calling Catalonia asking how many ducats it would have taken to reunite Robin Van Persie with his former captain and assist merchant. I don’t know if his days as Arsenal captain would make him think twice about a move to Manchester, I mean he seems to be a bit more thoughtful than Samir Nasri and RVP, but if Manchester United could get hold of him think of the goals with him feeding Rooney and RVP from the hole.

As we all know Cesc has recently switched over to the brand new Puma evoPOWER silo and looks set with Marco Reus and Mario Balotelli to be the face of the range.


No. 6 – Sven Bender: The last player on my list is Dortmund destroyer Sven Bender, who is an absolute BEAST. Generally he sits just in front of the back four breaking up attacks and helping Dortmund launch the counter, but he’s actually spent some time this year as a makeshift central defender due to injuries at Westfalenstadion. Bender is also one of the people Adidas turned to during the creation of the Nitrocharge silo, they recognized very quickly that he was the engine of the Dortmund midfield and I think his playing style would transfer very nicely to the Premiership, where he would replace Michael Carrick who’s been thoroughly ordinary this season (or as I describe him, he’s been like Michael Carrick this season). In a recent Champions League match Bender actually broke his nose while filling in, in the centre of defense and played on ruining several perfectly good football kits (including one from the club merchandise shop) until the flow of blood from his nose was finally stemmed.

Bender was one of the players who’s work rate was looked at by Adidas and Opta when creating the Nitrocharge silo, so it’s no surprise that Herr Bender is a prominent wearer of the Adidas Nitrocharge, the official boot of the engine room.

So there you have it, a short list of six players who, if they were to be brought in would save Manchester United from the misery of mediocrity. However, there’s no way the club would splash out for them, and the reasoning is simple. 1) The Glazer’s don’t like mega buck transfers (unless the money is coming in) 2) There’s no way it’d fly with the new UEFA FFP and 3) David Moyes is insistent on over paying Everton for players who won’t do the job at Old Trafford (see Walking Palm Tree).

But now it’s your turn, I know there’s a slew of ManYoo fans among the nation (SC101Nation that is), so who do you think could save David Moyes bacon? Who would you add along with the signature of Juan Mata? Leave a comment down below with your thoughts.

About Richard Wyatt

When he's not playing deft flicks and through balls with various 7 a side teams, Richard is either enjoying a good brew or enlightening the world with SoccerCleats 101 and the good ship Twitter. Find him on Twitter if you want to know what a Sweeper/Deep Lying Playmaker looks like!

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