Sunday , April 21 2024

The Soccer List – Boots, Blowouts, Blowups and Wizards (Yes Wizards)

Thoughts of Sepp Blatter

Hello, and welcome to the inaugural edition of The Soccer List, your one stop shop for all of the major (and occasionally minor) talking points from the recently passed week in soccer, and on the review front here on the site.

Given that this is SC101 there will of course be a focus on what boots the protagonists and antagonists are sporting, and hopefully in the go forward, this will be your first stop on Monday or Tuesday morning, well after you’ve brewed your first cup of tea. Because reading without tea in the morning is just uncivilized.  So let’s dive in shall we!


Kicking off last week was the furor over the fact that FIFA Dictator President Sepp Blatter may be like your granddad (read: funny, but also out of touch and vaguely ethnocentric). Attending a private function (which was being recorded for Youtube, as you do) Sepp, sporting the newest model Adidas Wingtip, was asked who he preferred as a footballer between Real Madrid maestro Cristiano Ronaldo, and Barca’s pint sized magician Lionel Messi. Ever the showman, the FIFA Supermo nailed his flag to the Messi mast, with a humourous quip about the price of Cristiano’s haircuts, and a Basil Fawlty-esque impression of the Portuguese captain on the pitch.

Cristiano Ronaldo x Sepp Blatter

Sadly, Real and Cristiano didn’t find the humour in the bit, and proceeded to send a message that quips and mockery won’t be tolerated, by thrashing Sevilla 7-3, the World’s Number 2 who was sporting the band new Nike Mercurial IX CR7 Star Vela Supernova went off on Sevilla bagging his 18th career La Liga hattrick, I’m sure Sevilla will have sent a  thank you card to Herr Blatter’s office for his kind remarks.

[Also: Nike Release Vapor IX  Supernova]


 If you’re going to challenge for trophies in any league it’s important to get goals from the people who are supposed to score them. England experimented with having Emile Hesky (who couldn’t score goals) and Michael Owen (who could) and look how successful they were! Friday night in Ligue 1 saw megabucks Paris St. Germain play host to FC Lorient, with PSG highlighting exactly why you need more than one player up top with the ability to score a goal. Missing Zlatan Ibrahimovic through injury, Uruguayan hitman Edinson Cavani laced up his Adidas F50’s to fill in as the target-man and bagged a pair of goals to bring his Ligue total to 9 on the season, as PSG waltzed down the Seine to a 4-nil win.

Rooney and RVP

Also highlighting the importance of strike partnerships were Wayne Rooney and Robin Van Persie who were craving goals on a trip to Craven Cottage. It was a quickfire 22 minutes for the Red Devils as Rooney and RVP both got their names on the scoresheet twice each, with a goal and an assist each. Rooney has been in particularly splendid form this season for Manchester United, and I’m giving 95% of the credit to the new Nike Hypervenom hes been sporting, and of course 5% credit to David Moyes who seems to have lit a new fire in the Liverpudlian.


Way back in the days of yore, miners would send a Canary into a new mine to check for potentially lethal gas, if the Canary lived it was safe, if the Canary died, well you didn’t mine there. Seems Norwich forgot that axiom on their travels to Etihad, as Man City were firing on all cylinders battering them 7-nil, in the most lopsided scoreline of the weekend. The highlight was a storming performance from Puma evoSPEED man Sergio Agüero who scored a goal and set up three. Also on the Puma-front, Yaya Toure was doing Yaya Toure things, curling a peach of a free kick into the net in his Puma King’s.

Man City Win 7-0


As the story goes, the reason that Roma have had the storming start to the Serie A season isn’t down to players, tactics and coaching. It’s down to magic. Claudio Lotito the owner of rivals Lazio has intimated (jokingly I assume) that Roma have hired five wizards, who work at the Roma training ground during the week and Stadio Olimpico on matchdays. I was skeptical until their 1-nil win over Chievo Verona on Thursday night when the following Hogwarts alums were spotted.


They were of course enjoying a day off when Roma traveled to Turin, and the Romans promptly dropped their first points of the season with a 1-all draw with Torino.



As a great many of our readers are supporters of clubs who are always in the running for trophies. Your Real Madrid’s, Barcalona’s, Manchester United’s, etc. I figured I’d close out every week with a little look into the abject misery of supporting a lower league club. Fresh off welcoming Nigel Clough to Brammall Lane with a 3-1 win over Crewe Alexandria last weekend, it back to business as usual for my beloved Sheffield United with a trip to Shropshire to face off against Shewsbury (pronounced Shrows-bury) Town FC.

From listening to the radio commentary it seems the Blades put up a spirited display, but were hampered by a sending off early in the second half, and more appallingly the recent endorsement deal that several players seem to have signed with the following upstart boot manufacturer.


Those problems combined with two Shrewsbury goals, saw the Blades head back to Sheffield 2-nil losers, and once again dropping back into the League One relegation zone. Hopefully this coming weeks trip to Colchester in the FA Cup will see a return to winning ways, for the red and white wizards of Bramall Lane.

So until next time, this has been The Soccer List, hopefully the coming week will see all of your passes be sublime and your goals be worldies!

About Richard Wyatt

When he's not playing deft flicks and through balls with various 7 a side teams, Richard is either enjoying a good brew or enlightening the world with SoccerCleats 101 and the good ship Twitter. Find him on Twitter if you want to know what a Sweeper/Deep Lying Playmaker looks like!

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